Just Us: Our First Mother-Daughter Disney Trip After Loss
A couple of months ago, my daughter and I took our first trip to Disney World after losing my husband, Bill. We share our birthdays in March, so we went at the end of the month.
I should have written about it right away, while the memories were still fresh, while the colors and sounds and little details were still close enough to touch. But sometimes life moves, and the writing waits.
Or maybe sometimes the heart needs time to understand what a moment really meant. Part of the reason I stalled was that spending time with her was so wonderful, but it was also so painful.
This was one of those quiet, tender milestones you don’t always recognize while you’re living it. It was the first time we went like this. Just her and me.
No husband. No other family. Not my dad. No one else leading the way, carrying the weight, making the decisions, helping with the details, or standing beside us in the way they used to.
Just us. The first trip without my husband.
When a Disney Trip Means More Than a Vacation
And as simple as that may sound, it wasn’t simple to me.
For some people, a trip to Disney is just a trip to Disney. You get in the car, you buy the tickets, you walk through the gates, you take the pictures, you eat something overpriced, and you try to convince yourself that standing in line for two hours is somehow part of the magic.
And somehow, it is.
But when you have lived through loss, when life has been split into a before and after, even the joyful things can carry a shadow. Traveling after loss can feel like this, with joy and grief somehow walking beside each other.
Growing Up at Walt Disney World
Before I talk about this precious trip with my daughter, I need to go back a few decades. See, I grew up going to Disney World. We didn’t take road trips across the country, or visit family in other states, our vacations were trips to Disney World and we loved it. I first went when I was ten. We lived in Louisiana at the time and my dad wanted us all to experience Walt Disney World. My parents rented an RV and off we went, an epic vacation! After we moved to Florida a short time later, and I was in middle school, we started going regularly as we were only three hours away
Disney Memories With My Dad
Space Mountain will always remind me of my dad. He and I were the only ones who rode it since my mom never rode fast rides or roller coasters. She liked Thunder Mountain and that was about it, but my dad and I? We rode roller coasters together. My sister is eight years younger than me, so she rode with my mom on many of the rides and my dad and I rode almost everything together. As bad as this may sound, he and I would talk and laugh at some of the funny things people would say or do while waiting in line. My dad was generally a quiet man, so these times were precious. I would watch him study the mechanics of the rides and I loved seeing him smile. He was in construction and he loved observing the way the rides were built. He would reassure me that the rides were checked frequently and that I had nothing to worry about. We had some wonderful conversations. It’s so hard to write about this without tears. These memories are so strong, and I miss my dad so very much.
We eventually purchased “season passes” which allowed us to go for many months throughout the year as often as we could! My dad would come home from work on a Friday sometimes and say, “Hey, let’s go to Disney World!” We’d scream in excitement and my parents would make a hotel reservation and off we’d go. Sometimes one or two of my cousins would come along, and some trips my entire family would go, a group of 15 or more.
When Bill Became Part of Our Disney Story
After I met Bill, it didn’t take long for my family to invite him to come along with us. The first time he went with us, my parents left a day early and we headed out together the following morning. My mom would reserve two rooms, one for him and one for my family and me. I can still remember him standing at the mirror in his hotel room, styling his hair. He used the same products for years and I’ll never forget their fragrance. He used Scope mouthwash, Paul Mitchell cream conditioner as his styling “gel” and Old Spice deodorant. He smelled so fresh and clean and of course I thought he was so cute and handsome!
In fact, I believe the first time we went, Bill had his salvation experience with Jesus at EPCOT. I wrote about it here: https://juliedigitalcreation.online/bills-salvation-story-disney-world/
He went with us just about every time my family went.
Bill and I had a wonderful honeymoon and, on our way back home, we spent a couple of days at Disney World. We went just a couple of times after we had our daughter, but then we didn’t go for a few years for reasons and stories I have yet to tell. Some of it was because of the 2007 real estate bubble, financially it wasn’t something we could afford.
Our Last Disney Trip Before Loss
The last time we went, before he passed away, our daughter was graduating from high school (home school). She was nineteen. We met one of his brothers and his girlfriend there. We spent a day at Magic Kingdom, EPCOT and, Animal Kingdom. I have pictures from this trip and even now, they aren’t easy to look at. I have a picture of him and our daughter eating a dessert together in Animal Kingdom. We had a wonderful time, except for my daughter’s poor feet. The first day we went, she wore the wrong shoes, and her feet were hurting her so badly, I had to buy her Crocs so her feet could breathe and stop hurting. Always check your shoes before going to Disney World! Since childhood, we’d always worn sneakers and I could never go without them.
Just Her and Me: A New Kind of Independence
So this is my history…always with family and then always with my husband.
This was my first Disney trip without my husband, and our first mother-daughter getaway with no one else leading the way. I checked us into the hotel. I parked the car. She and I loaded up our luggage on the cart. She and I walked into the room together. After I set down the luggage, I looked around. She and I claimed our beds, and then I cried.
It was the strangest feeling. But you know what? I’d already started feeling it on our drive to Orlando, wonderful and strange at the same time. I was so happy to have a few days off from work and pure uninterrupted time with my daughter. Just us. But no Bill.
I’m going to pause here…I thought this was going to be one blog post, but I didn’t realize how much I needed to say before getting to our actual trip, so I’m going to break this up and continue in another post. I have so much more to write about. This trip was epic for me in so many ways and I’m enjoying every bit of telling it.
Every First Takes Courage
Facing the hard things doesn’t mean the fear disappears, it just means you walk forward with it anyway. Every “first” without him, every trip, every milestone, every quiet moment, is its own kind of courage, even when no one else sees it. I’m learning that healing isn’t about avoiding the pain of these moments but about letting myself feel them fully and trusting that on the other side of that ache is a life still worth showing up for. Finding joy after loss does not mean forgetting the person you loved. Sometimes it means carrying that love with you as you learn how to live in a new way.
Until next time!
Love, Julie at Lost.Loved.Found xoxoxoxo
Isaiah 41:10 — “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Psalm 34:18 — “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Joshua 1:9 — “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
For encouragement on what to do when a spouse dies, read here: https://juliedigitalcreation.online/what-to-do-when-a-spouse-dies/
Learning to move forward I wrote about feeling stuck: https://juliedigitalcreation.online/feeling-stuck-after-loss/
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