When Ordinary Things Trigger Grief

Ok.  I’m stopping what I’m doing to start writing this blog.
Some of them, I have planned out.  There are stories I want to tell.  Sometimes, I need to write in the moment. And this is one of those moments.  If I don’t write in the moment, then I lose it.  I lose exactly how I’m feeling in the moment.  Exactly the thoughts I’m having, because perhaps you have had them too.  Perhaps you can relate.

Before I decided to sit here and write this, I thought, “Julie, you aren’t really helping anyone by writing about these things.”  See, I want to help you.  I want my words to somehow bring something to you, that maybe you relate to, so you know you’re not alone. 

I’m not a therapist, or a counselor, or a psychologist, nor do I have expert advice to offer. I offer you my stories.  These real moments.  These raw moments of sadness and pain.  The thing is, you are the only one who knows how you’re feeling, how you’re processing and that is authentically yours.  I want to say, no one can tell you how you should feel when you’ve lost someone, no matter how you lost them.

If you need some encouragement I wrote about what to do when a spouse dies here:
https://juliedigitalcreation.online/what-to-do-when-a-spouse-dies/

So, what led me here to my keyboard?  Well, I just finished making hamburgers on my new electric skillet.  It sure made cooking those very easy!  I haven’t decided to eat yet. As I am waiting, for…what? Actually, I don’t know.  I guess, just waiting until I’m ready to eat. Perhaps it’s my obsessive desire to finish folding the clothes that I started while waiting for the burgers to be cooked.  This is something I do regularly.  My dining room table is close to the kitchen, and I will fold clothes while cooking to save time.  Do something, while something else is happening.

When Sadness Shows up At Ordinary Moments

Today, I bought some new dish towels as some of mine look kind of bad.  While folding the clothes, I set aside the clean dish towels that will be replaced when the new ones are washed.  Some I will repurpose. There are a couple that are sentimental to me as they are ones my mom gave me.  I walked them over to my baker’s rack in my kitchen, as it has a drawer where I keep miscellaneous potholders and holiday dish towels. 

Opening that drawer.  Just the small task of opening that drawer made me sad and brought me to tears.  And there it was, an ordinary moment that triggered unexpected grief. This baker’s rack has been with me since my daughter was two years old.  I bought it when Bill and I lived in an apartment in Delray Beach, Florida.  It was a beautiful apartment.  We lived on the second floor, had a view of the lake.  I bought it when we didn’t have a whole lot.  Bill worked two jobs and I always wanted a baker’s rack. It’s small, but it’s always been with me.  I remember the first time I decorated it for fall.  I bought clear plastic bins and filled them with Reese’s peanut butter cups, because for some reason they made me think of fall.  It was so special to me, and it looks just as good as it did the day I brought it to that apartment.

I don’t use this drawer very much, and so opening it is always like opening up a time capsule.  It holds Christmas dish towels that I’ve had for years and a couple of other things that I have had for such a long time.  For some reason, opening up that drawer does this to me.  It brings me to this baker’s rack.  A baker’s rack that has been with me for 23 years.  It takes me back to when I was 26 years old.  I had so much hope for our future.  What a thing…23 years later and I still relate to that 26-year-old as if 23 years hadn’t passed yet, but they have.  All of that time has gone by and Bill is no longer here.  Twenty-six-year old me, had a beautiful two-year-old little girl and a thirty-year old husband whom I loved so much and with whom I couldn’t wait to experience life. 

So there I was…all because of dish towels. As many of you may know, grief doesn’t follow a timeline.

Do you have these places in your home, possessions that do this to you?  Is it just me?  I must think it’s not just me. 

Life is so beautiful and has such beautiful, glorious moments, but to me, it has been so sad.

Earlier this week, while praying and sitting with my Bible, I talked to the LORD about this.  I told Him I don’t like feeling this way.  Everything I read that morning led me to realize that so much of my joy and contentment is based on things of this world.  The world will let me down. It will let us all down.  Some know this more than others and some, in ways I cannot even imagine.  I try to remind myself of this all of the time.

I’ve written before about how easy it is to become too attached to this world and the things we love here. https://juliedigitalcreation.online/too-attached-to-this-world-healing/

Shifting from Complaint to Gratitude in Hard Seasons

In studying, I came across this:

“Our affliction we scarcely ever forget; our mercies we scarcely ever remember! Our hearts are alive to complaint, but dead to gratitude. We have had ten thousand mercies for one judgment and yet our complaints to our thanksgivings have been ten thousand to one!
How is it that God endures this, and bears with us?”-Adam Clarke

That’s a good question, but to me, one that is not asked other than to say, the answer lies in the question.  That God does bear with us.  He does.

And that is something to be grateful, that He does get us through difficult seasons, sadness, and hardship. While the outside cannot always be controlled, what always can be is how we handle it on the inside.

I had to finish this blog post the next day, but I did stop and eat the hamburger and watched a little retro TV show, “Growing Pains.” Laughter was good for me.
Writing this was good for me.  I hope that reading, was good for you. 

You Don’t Have to Walk Through This Alone

If stories like this feel familiar to you, I’d love for you to stay connected with me.

Join the Lost.Loved.Found. email community for faith-filled encouragement, personal stories, and simple resources created to help you navigate loss, rediscover who you are, and keep moving forward with hope.

I’ll also be sharing printable and save-to-your-phone resources that you can return to when you need a little encouragement, prayer, or reminder that God is still writing your story.

Join the Lost.Loved.Found. Newsletter

Thank you for listening.
As always.
Love, Julie from Lost.Loved.Found. xoxoxoxo

Frequently Asked Questions About Unexpected Grief Triggers

Why do ordinary objects trigger grief?

Ordinary objects can become connected to people, memories, places, and seasons of our lives. Something as simple as a dish towel, piece of furniture, photograph, song, or familiar smell can bring a memory rushing back when we least expect it.

Is it normal for grief to suddenly return years later?

Yes. Grief does not always move in a straight line. A person may be doing well and still experience an unexpected wave of sadness months or even years after losing someone they love. Memories can surface through holidays, familiar places, possessions, music, food, photographs, and ordinary moments at home.

What are common grief triggers?

Grief triggers can include photographs, clothing, sentimental possessions, anniversaries, holidays, songs, smells, familiar places, family traditions, and everyday household items connected to someone you lost.

How can faith help during unexpected moments of grief?

Faith gives us somewhere to bring our sadness. We do not have to hide grief from God or pretend we are okay. We can pray honestly, spend time in Scripture, remember His faithfulness, and trust that He remains with us even during difficult seasons.

Will grief triggers ever completely go away?

Everyone experiences grief differently. Some reminders may become less painful with time, while others may always carry emotion. Healing does not necessarily mean forgetting. Sometimes it means learning how to hold both the love and the loss while continuing to live the life God has placed before us.