🎄Our First Christmas Together: A Memory From 1996

Bill and I were married 22 years. We knew each other for 26.
That’s a lot of Christmases.

At the time I’m writing this, it’s December, and this will be my fourth Christmas season since Bill went Home.

When thinking through all the Christmases we shared, it was hard to choose just one to write about. But before I begin, I want you to picture the setting the way I imagine it, the way I’d tell this story if you and I were sitting together right now, the setting of my dreams.

🌟 Picture This With Me…

A cozy cabin.
Not large, but not small, just enough space for warmth to gather.
Mountains rise in the distance just beyond a frosted window.
Light snow is falling.
Soft Christmas music is playing.

There’s a fire in the stone fireplace, the smell of wood, clove, and citrus in the air.
Pillows and blankets everywhere.
A real tree twinkling in the corner.
I’m holding a mug of hot cocoa with mini marshmallows, and there’s a plate of gingerbread cookies and peanut blossoms on the coffee table.

That’s where I’d tell you this story.

🎁 The Year Was 1996

Bill and I had known each other for a little over a year. We were in a solid relationship by then. He had moved into his own apartment earlier that year, and I still lived with my parents in the same neighborhood where his parents lived. His apartment was about six minutes from my house.

We saw each other almost every day, and we were both excited because it would be his first Christmas on his own.

So of course, we went to buy a real Christmas tree. We always bought real trees because nothing compares to the smell of pine filling a room. This year? I’m getting a real tree, for my daughter, for me and to remember Bill.

Decorating his apartment and his very first tree was something we planned and looked forward to. His parents had given him some decorations, but his only real ornaments were those metallic ball ornaments and he had a LOT of them. If you’ve ever seen Mickey’s Christmas with Pluto and Chip and Dale, this is what his tree looked like.

Bill strung the lights on that tree for what felt like hours. He learned from the best, his dad. There’s a family story we laughed about often: one Christmas, his dad put so many lights on their tree that it grew from the warmth.

In preparation for our decorating night, I went to Marshalls and bought boxes of gourmet chocolates. I love chocolate, and I decided that decorating this tree meant eating chocolates straight from the box, and I did exactly that. This memory is so strong.

I remember Bill wearing a soft grey t-shirt and jeans that night. I can still see him weaving those lights around each branch.

The story is simple. I don’t remember every detail. I know he spent Christmas Eve at his parents’ house. I know we exchanged gifts. I know we were happy.

But what I remember most is this: We were two young people decorating his very first Christmas tree together, in his very first home, and it felt special. It was simple, ordinary, but full of joy, the kind of joy you only realize later was precious.

And as I write this now… I can’t help but feel sad.
Gosh, I miss him.

❄️ Coping With Grief at Christmas: Gentle Ways to Get Through the Season

Christmas can magnify grief in ways that surprise you , the lights, the songs, the empty chair, the traditions you used to share.

If you’re struggling this season, here are a few small things that may help.

✔ Choose one meaningful tradition to keep

You don’t have to do everything.
Choose the tradition that brings comfort, not pressure.

✔ Let yourself feel both — the gratitude and the ache

You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.
Grief and gratitude can coexist.

✔ Make space for a small moment of remembrance

A candle.
A prayer.
A photo.
A letter.
It helps your heart breathe.

✔ Say no to holiday expectations

You don’t owe anyone “festive.”
Your healing matters more than decorations.

✔ Talk to God about the loneliness

He understands grief more than anyone.
And He draws especially near in tender seasons.

💛 Scriptures for the Grieving Heart

Psalm 34:18
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Matthew 5:4
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

🎥 My First Christmas Without Bill

And just so you know, you truly don’t have to do anything.
My first Christmas without Bill, I wanted nothing to do with it.

My daughter and I did the bare minimum.
That Christmas, I went to the movies by myself and texted a dear friend from the theater.

Do something different if you need to.
It’s okay.

🎄 Holiday Grief Q&A

Q: Why does grief feel worse at Christmas?

Because Christmas brings back memories of what once was — routines, traditions, shared moments. Your heart is remembering love.

Q: Is it normal to feel no “Christmas spirit” at all?

Yes. Your emotional bandwidth is different right now.
You’re not expected to be cheerful.
You’re expected to be human.

Q: Should I decorate or celebrate?

Only if it brings comfort.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve through Christmas.

Q: How can I honor my loved one during the holidays?

Light a candle
Hang a special ornament
Write a letter
Speak their name
Share a favorite story

Small acts create space for healing.

Q: What does Scripture say to someone grieving at Christmas?

Psalm 34:18
John 14:27
Isaiah 9:6
Revelation 21:4

God’s presence doesn’t disappear in grief, it becomes gentler and closer.

🌙 Closing Thoughts

As I think back on that first Christmas with Bill, before marriage, before life unfolded, before memories became treasures I’d cling to, I realize something: Grief doesn’t erase the beauty of what was. And Christmas, even with tears, can still hold meaning.

If you’re aching this season, you’re not alone. God is near, and the memories that hurt are also the memories that prove love was real.

I’ve enjoyed spending this time with you in our cozy cabin.
Stay as long as you want, enjoy the fire, have a cookie, rest a while.

If you’d like to read how Bill and I met, you can find our story here: https://juliedigitalcreation.online/our-first-date-a-love-story-remembered/

Until next time — Lost. Loved. Found.
xoxoxoxoxo

If you need extra help during the holiday season:
GriefShare: Their free “Surviving the Holidays” program offers support and practical guidance for those grieving during the holiday season. https://landing.griefshare.org/holidays

VITAS Healthcare: A helpful article about coping with grief during the holidays, offering realistic advice for navigating traditions, triggers, and emotions. https://www.vitas.com/family-and-caregiver-support/grief-and-bereavement/holidays-and-grief/coping-with-grief-during-the-holidays